the back buggering run of late June, since thinking running would get
quicker and easier more easily and quickly, since introducing unlimited
walking breaks and since a few gaps in training and failing to
miraculously lose a stone, I think I’ve been gradually losing the
runner’s high that I had even a month ago.
taken a grip back of it this week. A two mile run, then a three mile
run, then a seven point five mile run, slowly, consistently and
committedly. I didn’t expect any of them to be easy - and they weren’t.
But the endorphins fizz was back.The sense of gradually increasing
accomplishment had returned.
I spoke to someone this week who hasn’t had much chance to train for
long periods, and is thinking about (or fantasising about) deferring,
and somebody else who wants me to do a dummy run of the course with them
on September 4th. I suppose I’m somewhere in between. Just
rediscovering my commitment, and remembering how it isn’t easy, but that
doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I had talked about overcoming writer’s block
being similar to the process by which you get your body to keep going
even though it’s screaming "Wouldn’t it be easier to just sit down and
have a nice cup of tea?!”. Seeing my Haruki Marukami book "What I talk
about when I talk about running”, Beth, director of Great North Run
Culture, reminded me of what he had said about suffering and we looked
it up; "Say you’re running and you start to think Man this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The
"hurt” part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand
any more is up to the runner himself. This pretty much sums up the most
important aspect of marathon running.” Wise words Marukami. Good music,
and good moon and a bit of stoicism by the sea got me through last
night’s run, now there’s just another 39 days to go...
I don’t know what to run,
dumbed by the blank page of the pavement,
awed by the Greats staring past me like Easter Island heads.
I resort to beseeching myself in parts,
calligraphing every inadequate joint,
lamenting the childish cursive of my gait.
Only yesterday, I was air and water.
Then I read Marukami quoting;
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”
and picture the bulging tendons in his writing hand
as I step off an edge
and inscribe the air with the arcs
of my perfect, forgetful freefall.